Moving On

Over the last several years, we have had multiple issues with our home, further complicated by life's events. Let me give you a sort of time line of events so I can preface some of the things I am dealing with now.

Dec. 2003 - got married. Husband living in another state, trying to finish school. Spent all of 2004 working and traveling back and forth, preparing for husband to graduate and for us to move into one home together.

Oct 2004 - I am sick, I cannot get well - I have something like chronic fatigue syndrome and chronic sinus problems. I find out that there is mold growing in my carpet, there is an undetermined leak in possibly the slab of my home. That is why I am sick.

Nov 2004 - I pack up everything in my home and move it into my garage. The flooring is removed so the leak can be found. The concrete slab in my home is treated with a bleach solution to kill the mold. Move only the essentials back into the house as is possible, a little at a time.

Dec 2004 - Husband is supposed to graduate. He failed a class. He is moving out of our apartment and to our home. Everything goes into the garage. We start trying to find the leak and fix it.

2005 - Took about 6 months to locate 2 leaks. Then to let the slab "dry out." Husband not working - repeated class via correspondence. Graduated in May.

Aug 2005 - Hurricane Katrina. Roof and exterior damage to our home.

Nov 2005 - Finally FLOORING! Finally we can start putting our home together. Sorting boxes a little at a time. I am working 40-50hrs per week, husband is not good at organizing, so not much is getting done.

June 2006 - find out that I am pregnant. Husband is still without work. I am working, really not getting anything done at home now.

Fall 2006 - Finally get roof replaced from hurricane. Husband is working, but not in his field and no benefits.

Dec 31 2006 - Valve gets stuck on toilet, floods 3/4 of our home with water in a matter of minutes. All flooring has be to removed and replaced. (6wks before my due date).

Jan 2007 - Hallelujah! Husband is hired with a full-time job in his field with benefits. The bad news is that he has to commute 1 1/2 hrs each way to get there.

Feb 2007 - son is born. From the time we brought him home, son will not sleep unless he is held, will wake up if you put him down.

March 2007 - son diagnosed with reflux, medicines help with crying/screaming/colic, but not with sleep issues.

July 2007 - I am diagnosed with an abscessed tooth caused from grinding my teeth in my sleep. What sleep? My son still won't sleep if he is not held. I am exhausted. I am also diagnosed with anxiety and depression caused not so much by postpartum as extreme stress and sleep deprivation. Stress? What stress?

I've come a long way since then, even though it doesn't always feel like it. No more antidepressant medicine for almost a year now. My son has started sleeping by himself, just in the last few months, so I am finally getting some sleep. He still wakes up during the night at least 3-4 nights a week but my dear husband gets up and puts him back to bed. I am exercising and eating better. I've lost 15lbs since this past October. I have learned to sew and to crochet.

BUT, there are boxes in my garage that have yet to be unpacked. There is clutter in piles in every room of my house. The chaos makes me want to yell and scream at everyone sometimes. I hate it. If there is a stronger word than hate, please insert it here.

Where did the clutter come from? From trying to unpack and not getting to finish, from a big mess when the house flooded right before my son was born, from not being able to clean and organize regularly or maintain any organizational routines that I had in place before my son was born, from being too tired to be motivated to try to do anything, etc, etc.

So what am I doing now? Daily de-cluttering efforts, cleaning out and getting rid of excess, setting up daily routines and organizing areas of my home. In addition to my own efforts I have started using FlyLady's techniques and tips and am tailoring them to fit my own needs. It is a slow progress but I am finally starting to feel encouraged - like maybe, just maybe my home won't be cluttered for as long as I live and maybe, just maybe at some point in the future I can think about putting baseboards down.

I have recently realized that I am scared to feel encouraged. After everything that has happened, it is as if I don't dare be encouraged that I might get out of this mess and move on with my life. I know in my heart that this chaos and mess and clutter is NOT God's plan for my life.

I am learning discipline through daily routines and exercise. I am learning to persevere and I am teaching my husband a few organizational techniques along the way. I am also teaching my son to pick up after himself and to help with the daily routines as much as a two year old can. Just this afternoon he delivered the folded clothes to the bedroom in his Tonka dump truck. These are good things!